Golden Teachers' Day
by marcien
Summary: The (children) masters of Zerks have an event quest to conquer together as Berserker Class students. The premise is that the servants who (somewhat) love children get their happiness as teachers in an elementary school.


The day Kintoki gacha comes to FGO English is also Teachers' Day in my country! Here's a oneshot tribute crackfic in celebration. Elementary school AU with minor Prillyaverse/Learning With Manga mechanics.

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It is the early morning of a school day at the School for Demi-Heroes. A school for the children who have been favoured by the Grail and seen the Throne of Heroes, thus bonding with a Heroic Spirit. The school shares a campus with a school for regular elementary children, a smaller building one field away from the bigger mainstream school building.

The day would start with a session of homeroom for each of the seven Heroic Spirit classes. Then, the students would split up to join academic classes with the regular students of their age in the mainstream school building. There would be lunch, then more academic classes after that. In the afternoon when regular students would go home or participate in a club activity, the Grail children would return to their base at the School for Demi-Heroes building and attend their respective Heroic Spirit classes.

At first glance, classes seem to be going on as per normal. Six classes ongoing in the main Demi-Heorics school building, elementary students at rapt attention to their teachers. And one Berserker Class in their thrashed up "classroom" in the school yard: beneath a makeshift tent to provide shade and shelter.

One should not, however, mistake this as class discrimination of any sort. When the school year had just started, Berserker Class had a normal classroom on the first floor of the building. But by the second week, when the classroom was destroyed for the third time by the antics of the students (and teacher) and their unchecked Installs of their bonded Heroic Spirits, the principal decided that she could no longer risk the destruction of the school building foundations and the safety of the other students. Hence, Berserker Class was shifted to an outdoor classroom, where they remained for the rest of the year.

In fact, rather than any fault of the students, this situation could be attributed to the indiscretion of the homeroom teacher of the Berserker Class. However... since it was too difficult to explain the concept of restraint to him, the principal opted for the less frustrating option of simply moving their class away from the other classrooms.

"All right, class! Listen up!"

 _CRASH!_ Illya had swung her axe-sword down in the middle of the crater in the front of the classroom. She is the oldest child in the class and the de-facto class president. "We have an emergency here!"

Rani was already seated impassively, waiting for their class homeroom teacher, whose random latecoming was not unexpected. Kariya woke from his nap and lifted up his head, pushing white fringe from his eyes. Caules and Flatt halted their enthusiastic conversation about the newest transforming toy knife microphone that discharges electricity due to faulty wiring, with Caules dematerialising his _Bridal Chest_ mace that the pair were comparing the toy knife to.

"Hm! Good!" Illya grinned at the attention that her peers were giving her. "Are you aware, that tomorrow is the day that our school celebrates Teachers' Day?"

Cue nods from the boys and no reaction from Rani.

"I have already gotten a present for our Golden Star!" quipped Flatt excitedly.

"Me, too!" added Caules.

"..." Kariya looked around frantically. "... what? Everyone did already...? You too...?" He looked at Rani for reassurance.

She nodded, to his horror. "I have a present prepared, of course."

"uh...! I'll get something after school today!"

"Yes, Kariya, very good. However, that's not our emergency!" Illya thumped on the granite block that served as their teacher's table. "Has anyone of you been into the main DH building this past week?"

No answers.

"As expected. We don't have a need to be in a stuffy place like that after all. But that's why! We missed this!" She held out a poster torn at the corners, clearly ripped out from some notice board.

[[ Teachers' Day Concert: Come out with an item as a class to show your love for your teacher! ]]

Caules whined at the realisation of what that poster meant. "There is a concert tomorrow... And our class has nothing to show for it...?"

"Exactly," nodded Illya grimly.

"Ah! Sister was singing at home! I knew I should have asked about her it!"

"You think you have it bad? Mine was supposed to pass me a copy of this poster! But guess where I found it — In our recyclable trash bag yesterday evening! I SWEAR I'M GONNA KILL THAT BLACK ONE FOR THIS!"

(Kariya jolted at the nickname that he heard from a student from Rider class with his Install.)

"It'll be all right, White Crown Princess!" Flatt raised up his hand. "That just means we have to come out with something today!"

"Yes yes!" the class president folded her arms against her chest, liking Flatt's nickname for her. "Since I am class president, I have taken the necessary steps to salvage this situation. Come in, Agent Duo! Give us your report!"

As usual, the class' youngest student, Tatsumi, had managed to remain unnoticed despite standing just outside of their tent-classroom. _Powerless Shell_ and the very nature of his bonded Heroic Spirit made him an anomaly amongst the Berserker class.

"I have returned from the main building, from spying on what the other classes are doing. Saber class is doing a swordfighting play, Archer a song and dance, Lancer a martial arts thing... Rider has a fashion show? Caster has a storytelling, and I can't find the Assassin class at all."

"Good work, Tatsumi, you may take your seat," commended Illya. "So, does anyone have an idea what we can do?"

"A monster movie!" Flatt suggested.

"Mash is not in our class," Kariya reminded him.

"How about choosing a song?" offered Caules.

"I refuse to do the same thing that Blacky's class is doing!"

"The martial arts display seems cool..." pondered Tatsumi.

"We are demi-zerks! There is no "art" to our martial!"

"An action-packed battle royale war game!" shouted Flatt.

"We'll get kicked out of the auditorium for pulverising the stage!"

"A bollywood dance with Rani as lead!" shouted Flatt again.

"And what are the rest us doing exactly? Trees?" Kariya rolled his eyes.

"Oh? Then what, Kariya? Suggest something instead of shooting down ideas!"

"... but you were shooting down our ideas too, Illya," grumbled Caules.

"Given that those ideas come from Flatt, she is justified," said Rani.

"Well... Mister Gold likes golden, flashy and shiny things a lot, doesn't he? We can present something golden for him!"

"I see, of course! Kariya, what do you have in mind?"

As Kariya explained his plan, the rest of the class joined in the discussion spiritedly, save Rani, who listened intently.

"Rani, do you want to say something?" Tatsumi asked her.

"What about Mister Gold's part?"

"Huh? It's our performance, isn't it?" Caules replied.

"No, Rani has a point," Illya rubbed her chin intently. "Mister Gold was always more of a kid then all of us..."

"GOOD MORNING, MY BERSERKER CLASS! HOW ARE ALL OF MY GOLDEN CHILDREN TODAY?"

Kintoki had ran across the schoolyard to where their classtent is.

" _Shh...!_ Mister Gold, if you shout so loudly, the principal will know that you reported in late and scold you again," Caules chided him.

"A man must always make his appearances golden!"

"I think the principal has given up on Mister Gold already, Caules," said Kariya.

"Mister Golden Star!" called out Flatt.

"Yes, little Flatt, do you have something to ask of me?" Kintoki scooped up the boy, who is 11 years old and too tall to be swung around by an adult. Not that this stopped either Kintoki or Flatt.

"Ahahaha!" Flatt giggled, "Do you think you can let us off for homeroom period today?"

"What's this, Flatt? It is not good to skip our lessons, social studies are important so that you learn about... well, this beautiful world around us!"

"It's not like that, Mister Gold!" Illya stepped forward, her manner every part a class president. "We would like the opportunity to put our studies into practical use. So we want try being indoors, in a place with closed doors... Like the gym, yes! To discuss our topics as a class. Then we can prepare a presentation for you tomorrow!"

"I see! A shining presentation is a good way to show what you have learnt! Very well, I shall arrange for our class to use the gym today! Ah, but we have to promise, no Includes, no Installs! Principal's orders!"

"Except for Tatsumi, because he is special!" said Flatt, giving his younger peer a thumbs-up.

* * *

 _Aaaaahh... How boring..._ It was late afternoon and Kintoki sat solemnly outside the gym. He was looking forward to a day of playing with his Berserker Class children, but now he's sitting in the corridor like a child getting timeout. His class president had told him to stay outside while the students were preparing the presentation, because looking at it ahead of time would be cheating and one should not cheat at exams.

A normal person with the mental faculties of a mature adult would question why the teacher is being treated like the student here. But such a line of thought does not occur to Kintoki, who developed as a natural Heroic Spirit of Berserker on his own. The reasoning capacities of a Berserker are very limited, and it was only for the principal herself regularly checking in to his classroom that the Berserker Class had any semblance of being run like a class at all.

Still, despite his incapacity with academics and administration, Teacher Kintoki is acknowledged as a fine teacher. Because the School for Demi-Heroes does not focus on academics. Kintoki's role is not to impart knowledge, but to mentor children. These children, who had been selected by the Grail and encountered the Throne of Heroes, and received into themselves the memories of Berserker-class Heroic Spirits, were especially vulnerable to losing themselves if overtaken by the memories of the Heroic Spirits.

This happened to Kariya two years ago: His unstable Install of his Heroic Spirit turning his hair white, left eye blind and half his limbs crippled. The boy has never used his Install again since. At the School for Demi-Heroes, a teacher's job is to make sure that the children chosen by the Grail stay safe and stay as themselves. After all, for most of the children, they would outgrow their connection to the Throne of Heroes and become regular humans.

Meanwhile, there are also adults like Kintoki and the other teachers, who were not chosen by the Grail as children but developed their strength and became a natural Heroic Spirit as they grew older. Many would end up fighting wars. Kintoki and his colleagues make it their responsibility to prevent the Grail children from being exploited and used in these wars.

Kintoki does not know how long he was in the corridor for, but it seems like go home time, because he sees parents waiting around the school gates. Kintoki hardly got to play with them except during the short one-hour lunchtime. The kids had spent all afternoon enclosed in the gym after their academic lessons with the teachers from the regular school.

The bell rings. There was a flurry of shouts and shuffling, banging, dropping sounds. Kintoki hoped no one tried using Includes or Laeticia will give him a talking to.

The gym doors open and Flatt barrels into his chest.

"Goodbye Golden Teddie Bear!" Flatt gives him a hug and runs off.

"Bye, Mister Gold. You'll see our presentation tomorrow," Rani says and walks away.

"You'll love it for sure!" Illya waves to him and goes towards the stairs. _Oh?_ She's going to pick up her little brother today.

Now left with the three younger children, Kintoki ushers the boys towards the main door. They meet Caules' older sister on the way, and she relieves him of Caules.

At the gates, Tatsumi sees his parent and bids Kintoki farewell. Kariya holds on to his hand until a beautiful lady in amethyst-coloured hair with a smaller girl with hair of emeralds — his mother and younger sister — arrives, then greets them cheerfully and tells Kintoki good bye.

"Your kids seem to be excited for tomorrow, Kintoki. I can't wait to see their artistic ability on stage," smiled Gilles, the Saber teacher.

"Ah yea! They were going on about a presentation and exam! Huh? On stage? That's a mighty flashy place for a presentation!"

"You..." said Hans, the Caster teacher, wryly, "Do you know what our school is doing tomorrow?"

"A presentation by the classes, I heard!"

"Hah. Nevermind, you'll know it tomorrow."

"Please come to school on time tomorrow, Kintoki," Atalanta, the Archer teacher stood on tip-toes and patted him on his head, "Good work for today!"

Kintoki blushed. "All right! Tomorrow is a golden day for us all! I'll see everyone then!"

* * *

It was the later part of the afternoon, and all of the School for Demi-Heroes had gathered in their auditorium to celebrate Teachers' Day.

Silence fell upon the audience as the stage curtains pulled open, marking the start of the Berserker Class' performance. Behind the curtains revealed one Illyasviel, not in her usual dress of white and royal purple, but a yellow sundress. (When the lights shone on it, it was golden!)

"It was a dark and misty night..." she spoke into her handheld microphone with confidence. This was the cue to turn off the lights. Mist began surrounding the audience in the auditorium, conveniently not blocking the stage and giving the audience a clear view of it.

(Cursed Arm Hassan nodded an approval at Reika's imitation of _The Mist_ and Kirei's use of it.)

"As a girl was out walking..." Illya continued her narration, "She was set upon by a dog!"

Rani entered, dressed in a kigurumi. (A golden retriever!) She began barking and growling at Illya.

"Oh dear! This strange dog is scaring me! What does it want with me? Why can't I talk to animals? Someone, help me!" Illya cried, looking over at the audience, where the teachers are seated. "Is there anyone who can talk to animals?"

"Ruff. Rah. Ruff ruff woof. Growl..." continued Rani.

Kintoki sat at the edge of his chair, his fists clenched on his knees.

"Get on stage already, so this show can go on," prodded Hans who was beside him.

"Huh?"

"Who else has _Animal Dialogue_?"

Kintoki jumped out of his chair. "I'LL HELP YOU!" He flipped himself onto the stage. "Now, my dear golden retriever friend, tell me why you are scaring this little girl."

"There is a killer on the lose, and he nearly cut off my tail," deadpanned Rani.

"Did you call for help, doggie? It is useless! I will beat you!" Flatt's voice resonated from the speakers around the auditorium.

"Talking hidden among the mist is very unheroic, boy. Come out and show yourself! This teacher will pound some sense into you!"

"But you're wrong! I am not a boy! I am a monster! I can hide and talk all I want!"

"You can't beat the dog if you remain hidden though," said Rani.

"Yes! That's true!" Illya ran to Rani's side. "If you want to hit the doggie, you got to come out!"

"Then I will get the girl instead! Go, Black Knight!"

Kariya entered the stage wearing what looks like Waver's vest pulled up to cover a part of his face and grabbed Illya off the stage, escaping into the audience and the mist beyond.

"Stop it now, Kariya! Illya is about to deliver her presentation! Kidnapping the examinee is cheating!"

The audience laughed. Kintoki did not see what was so funny. "Golden Retriever! We must take back Illya! Let's go."

"... I won't go with you. I am under a spell that does not let me leave the stage."

"...! I-is that so? Well then, what can be done?"

"Hahahaha, I am glad you asked!" came Flatt's voice again, "This complex seal I have made, has trapped the doggie! Unless she manages to move rhythmically to the divine language — in order words, do a dance — she cannot escape!"

"A dance, you say? Then let's do it, Golden Retriever!"

Rani then put a bright yellow cape on his shoulders (it is golden!) and pinned a rose to his shirt. She took his hand, and they danced to the music. The audience applauded.

"Oh no, the Golden Teddie has dispelled my seal!" groaned Flatt dramatically.

"Then you'll have to return Illya to the stage!" bellow Kintoki, taking Rani off the stage together with him. "Illya! Where are you!?"

"N-not so fast!" Kariya, sans Illya, blocked his teacher's path. "Illya and I were attacked by a big scary dog in the mist, and now I've lost her!" And then he fell over.

"Wah... Kariya! Are you all right?"

"Big dog... Ouch..."

"Huh, boy, I don't see any wounds..."

"MISTER! It's Illya! I've found her!" this time, it was Caules' voice from the speaker.

"Aw yes! Good job Caules, you are a hero!"

"But the mist is too thick, and we can't find you! Can you keep talking? Or maybe, can you sing?"

"You want me to sing? Okay! This will be golden!" So Kintoki sang.

Halfway through into his song, Caules and Illya came out from the mist. "We heard your voice and found our way out of the mist! You sing as though your soul is golden too. Thank you for saving us!" Caules said as he got on stage with Illya.

"Don't think you are free yet! I need to get my revenge on the doggie!" Flatt shouted.

"You are making a mistake here, Mist Monster!" shouted Caules. "If it was a big dog you are after, it's certainly not Rani! Because Rani and Mister Gold were on stage when Illya and I were attacked by it."

"That's right, Flatt! You got the wrong target!" shouted Illya.

"So, if four of you are here, and I hear Flatt's voice... that means the rampaging big dog must be... Tatsu-"

"Waaaauuugghh! I am being eaten! Help!" cried Flatt's voice.

"Hey, what's going on now, Flatt!? Tatsumi! Did you really Install and Include your Heroic Spirit!?" Kintoki seems to have completely forgotten that this was all a performance and was getting genuinely worried about his youngest student.

"Roooooaaarrrhhh!" can be heard from the speakers. Then Flatt was thrown from the mist at the back of the auditorium towards the stage. (Some teachers recognised the technique used as _Bajiquan_.)

"Flatt!" Kintoki jumped up and caught his student in his arms. The crowd clapped.

"You caught me! I knew you'll manage that!" Flatt grinned and put his arms over Kintoki's shoulders to squeeze him tightly.

"You gave me quite a scare, boy!" Kintoki returned the hug. Now all that's left is Tatsumi..."

"I am already here, Teacher."

Kintoki spun around. Although he did not look any different from his normal self, Kintoki could tell that Tatsumi had already installed his Berserker. After all, the presence he exuded was not that of a Grail child, but of a regular child.

"And I will eat everyone here!" Tatsumi took out a bottle from his pocket. " _Dangerous Game_." He twisted the cork of the bottle.

"No, Tatsumi...!"

[[ _Golden Teachers' Day, Teacher Kintoki, our Mister Gold!_ ]]

... was the voice recording from the bottle.

"Ah?"

Illya giggled and looked up at Kintoki. Then she turns to the audience, "And this marks the end of the skit, fashion, dance, song and action performance by Berserker Class! Thank you for watching with us till the end!"

The class took a bow on stage.

All of the teachers clapped wholeheartedly. Even the usually unreadable Assassin teacher seemed to be smiling under his mask.

It really was a golden day for Teacher Kintoki.

/ - /

* * *

sorry i can't resist the Kintoki-douji (Persona 4) and Gintoki (Gintama) references.

The Assassin class did not put up a performance. In fact, it was them who organised this concert and supported all the other classes with stage lighting, sound and effects, true to their role as Assassin. Their class prez is Amakusa Shirou.

It was a dilemma choosing whether to use Paracelsus or Hans Christian Andersen as the Caster teacher. Paracelsus is a perfect teacher, but Hans is more funny to write, especially with the Caster Class students. Whelp, plans for another day that may never come.

reviews would be appreciated! Thanks in advance.


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